


will you forget me, neil?

by souveraiin



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Angst, Charlie Dalton - Freeform, M/M, Neil Perry - Freeform, Todd Anderson - Freeform, anderperry, anderperry angst, angst angst angst ! :(, knox overstreet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:36:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21996874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/souveraiin/pseuds/souveraiin
Summary: the world to todd was first so beautiful and romantic when he fell in love with neil; until neil gets a girlfriend.
Relationships: Anderperry - Relationship, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 9
Kudos: 33





	will you forget me, neil?

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to: my sweetheart, alli.
> 
> this story is sort of a vent towards me,  
> and not gonna lie some bits made me tear up
> 
> on a happier note, thank you for the support for my past three stories, you guys are true guapito/as. i love you !

todd feels like everything is so sweet and beautiful until neil gets a girlfriend.

it hurt.  
todd remembered how the words he heard made todds heart ache so terribly.

he never knew words, aimless sounds, could make him ache.

“ i got a girl, ” neil said, his eyes droopy with love. charlie clapped him on the back, knox annoyed that neil was capable of snagging one when he can’t even look at one without falling in love.

they all stammered with questions about her. how she looked, how she smiled, a bit hormonal questions too that made todd rub his knee how uncomfortable he was.

he talked about how he kissed her.  
how sweet she tasted.

i could be sweet, he thought.  
i could be just as sweet as she tasted, but god, even better.

he used to talk so highly about todd like that, like how he talked about his girl.

he went into detail how deeper the kiss got. it made todd feel ill.

knowing someone else kisses neil, touches neil, kills him. he smiled at neil, neil exchanges the smile back at him warmly. and damn, he knew it when he smiles like that, todd can’t think. blush blooms onto his skin, but this time, bitter tears began to prick at his eyes.

he thought:

have you forgotten the endless nights we had?

have you forgotten who was there when you cried? have you forgotten who’ve kissed you and comforted you when you needed it?

have you forgotten about me, neil? 

“ you kiss her. ” todd said one night.  
they were on the roof of the school, neil dragging a smoke.

neil furrowed his eyebrows and stomped on the cigarette. “ yeah, ” he chuckled as if it was a stupid question.

todd looked ahead, admiring the trees, the lake too. he looked numb, he’s been numb for a couple of months.

“ do you, ever think of us? ” 

neil shifted his weight, scratching his neck. “ have you? ” he shot the question back refusing to say anything.

todd looked at him deadpanned. then squinting his face. “ what the fuck? you seriously had to ask me that? ” he stopped laying on the stand, then holding it only with one hand with a tight grip. 

he shrugged. “ i’m sorry i just, i’m with someone now and i don- ”

“ you don’t even fucking like her ! that’s it, you just love the idea of her. you love the idea of just, being loved. ”

neil turned around trying his best to ignore todds gaze. 

“ you cant just, call me your sunshine when you call her your baby. it doesn’t work like that, neil. it fucks you up. it fucks me up. ” 

neil began to sniffle. “ i-i cant do it, i need her i love- ” he stopped. he turned around and looked at todd, his lip quivering. 

“ i need this, she can save me. ” he smiled weakly.

todd shook his head, his lip still quivering. “ you don’t need her, i can be her i can be her so much better, you know that. ” 

neil took a step closer to todd, he did the same. 

“ why won’t you let me? ”

“ tell you what, neil, that i can’t be with you? ”

“ tell me that you want to forget me. i-in general. ” he waved his hands in the air.

“ i could never, y- ”

“ yes ! yes you capably can, if you’re with her, if you could kiss her without aching for me, you can forget me. ” 

neil stayed silent for a while, and it stayed like that. the tension was thick, it was a cold october night and it felt like a warm day in summer. 

todd walked away, back to his dorm, although completely knowing eventually neil will have to crawl back to it too, he wanted to be the first to leave.

if you can call someone yours, hold them dear, and talk about a future with love in your eyes, how can you do it the same to someone else?

it doesn’t make sense. at least for todd it doesn’t.

would you ever forget about him, todd?


End file.
